I’ve spent so many years searching and seeking. A lone ranger in a lone world. One of my favourite sayings use to bee a Quote from my STILL absolute Idol Dr. Seuz – The Cat in the Hat “I’m a lone ranger! Live alone, die alone AAAAAaaaarRrrrrRRrroOOoooo” In fact I spent my entire childhood ALLONE in “Fantasy Land”, deeply submerged within the depths of my own Visionary imagination, just hanging out, dreaming, dancing, creating magic, playing by myself, talking to God, Mary and Jesus, making stuff, writing books and journals, doing Alchemical experiments with bathroom products and flowers, drawing, dancing, sitting beneath and telepathically communicating with my HUGE ‘Grandmother and Grand father’ Pine Tree’s, caring for animals which usually were the insect variety! I tell you, if I had a dollar for EVERY insect I have saved, I would have fed the entire world by now! Just give me a few more years! Picture this… A bad Arse 6 year old Bondi Rescue styled freckled face fart machine on a body board patrolling my swimming pool for fallen comrades! Even the dangerous ones! You know, like spit fires and Spiders with big black bodies! (I love spiders so much, the wisest Grandmothers of creation! But thats a story for another day!) Did I mention dancing? So much Solo dancing and singing. Bless Whitney Houston! I will ALWAYS LOVE HER!
I spent days building huge structures and communities for the fairies, lemmings and other little beings to come and congregate, so they could play, celebrate and enjoy one another’s company under the safety of my watchful Thirdeye. AND of course the BLESSED thing that kept me the most SANE! Talking to my best mate… The Moon (Just so you know… She is SUCH a RAD Bird!) Yes I just used the word RAD, as in Radical! Bringing it back Yo!
I didn’t smile for the first time until I was around three years old and was seldom seen smiling throughout my entire childhood, its not that I ‘wasn’t happy’ I was content within myself and totally happy in my own company and world “making shit happen!” I didn’t need to cruise around with a smiley face on, in order to connect and please others, you know the drill “make others feel comfortable so that we feel comfortable… Fit in with the crowd, Baaa baaa baaa etc” Even when it means compromising your spirit and SELLING your soul. I didn’t give a fuck what was happening within others because I was content being me. Being me and serving what my heart felt RADIANT about was my PASSION!! YEP classic Black sheep/ Dark horse Ambassador! Most of you reading this have the SAME glorious syndrome! Its A GIFT, not I REPEAT, NOT a curse!! Own it!!
In this contentment I would dream up these EPIC IDEAS! These ideas where BIG I’m telling you and as such, they REQUIRED manpower!! So all through my younger primary school years I created GRAND clubs, associations, organisations! I had “The Animal for Care Club” I know, I know, the English doesn’t make sense but I was in grade 2 and had kids from all years levels ‘playing’.
We would cruise around the school yard of St. Augustines and the incredible Magical Forest (Yes their is a Magical Forest at St. Augustines Primary School Frankston, I KNOW RIGHT, explains heaps! PS. I LOVE FRANKSTON!) We would rescue hurt or injured, Ants, Bee’s, Caterpillars, even the weird unusual variety of “I’ve never seen one of those before!” Insects! Those alien insects are still some of my FAV’s! You know, that moment when you turn around and there’s this crazy looking bulgy 12 eyed, stick body, 24 limbed, green and blue mini monster smiling curiously at you! Like it just metamorphosed down from the furthest reachers of the cosmos through some Ancient Galactic Portal, PURLEY for the sake of BLOWING YOUR MIND!!! Next thing you know a friend synchronistically hands you a book on the Spiritual meanings of insects. You open it to a random page and DUM DUM DUM.. There he is! That insanely cute, crazy, weird, intriguing little mofo staring right back at you from the open book with a heading…
“ALL ONE!”
I’m talking 30-50 kids cruising around with ONE THING UNITING US…
OUR COMMON PURPOSE! “Animal For Care Club”
some days we would all sit and draw pictures, One kid brought me a whole ice-cream bucket from home of caterpillars, that actually wasn’t really cool cos they weren’t injured BUT they were homeless… (Our Club is BRANCHING OUT!!) All of a sudden we have a caterpillar orphanage too! Lady bugs! SOOOO many lady bugs! Beautiful broken winged butterflies… I had one very strict rule! If you stood on an Ant or any other creature, you couldn’t play for a day!
Kids would come and go as they pleased, I didn’t even know who was there or not there because I was just so content on the greater purpose of caring for animals. There was no preaching or teaching, no conditions on how you care for animals or in what way you go about it… That was unique to each Kid. Shit, one beautiful girl Jacqui Janson’s rescued a Bee! I was too scared to pick it up! I was in awe of her bravery and dedication! She took it home and gave it water, made it a little bed and home! There was One standard for the Club… “Thou shall not kill.” (Catholic education earns some points of respect here! Either that or my countless of Buddhist and Hindu past lives!!) Then from there each kid could care for animals at their own will and in their own way..
For a time in grade one I was an author with several other peers employed as my illustrators.
Once I had a Corporation that was pretty much a “friendship bracelet sweatshop” I’m talking I had so many kids creating friendship bracelets, we had thousands of these things!! We attempted to set up a market and sell them. The Principal didn’t like that much. Apparently it contradicted his Autocratic dictatorship.
I taught Ballet for about 6months despite never having a professional Ballet lesson myself! I just REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to be a Ballerina! So much so I went to Frankston library and hired EVERY book on Ballet, then each night would study and teach myself Ballet whilst rocking out to the Classical radio station!
I had a Modelling, deportment and photography College! AKA Saved up all my pocket money one year for the Melbourne Show’s, ‘Worlds Greatest Showbag’ it came with a disposable camera in it, took all my dress ups to school and started a fricken Vogue campaign with all the girls in my class! We loved it! Everyone was included! I think I may have failed in the “Deportment” department however! For I am a self confessed Proud Graduate of the Personal University of Perversity AKA Deportment/ Social Conditioning and etiquette can lick my arse! I’m into that kind of thing. For me “deportment” is pure self mutilation of the soul! AND I’m NOT into that kind of thing AT ALL!
I remember EVERYTHING about my childhood and the magical creations I manifested from moment to moment in my utterly Enlightened state of being.
Then came the dark shady lone ranger years when I chose to succumb to becoming what I thought I should be for others as opposed to what my heart was radiating and glowing within. I NOW know why I chose to give away my power so freely to a belief system that sucked the Life Force from my soul, lead me into the blinding dark void of escapism, self medicating, numbing ALL SENSATIONS through, awful food which Zombified my mind and made me shit my guts out daily for years on end! Some call it Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I call it “YOU HAVE A SHIT DIET SYNDROME!”
I enforced my self loathing with Prescription and recreational Drug and alcohol abuse. Cigarettes those God awful self poisoning decrepetation-sticks, thousands of the motherfuckers! Worst of all hatred towards who I was, what I had become and then harming myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually… It seems that the less I followed my heart, the sadder I felt, the bigger the wall I built between my heart and the entire world. The more I craved for addictions that were self harming. Perpetuating my heavy feelings of being trapped and alone, scared and lost.
I chose this path for a time so that I could know the darkness, my shadow and see the beauty that dwelled within! No matter how dark, desperate and despairing I was, OR how obscene my potty mouth became, there was ALWAYS this Spark or pin point of light within me that knew it was eternal perfection and pure Love. I remember one night I had taken so many different substances I couldn’t sit up, my mind was racing and rushing, I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, everything in my physical body was activated, stimulated and completely out of my control BUT there was this place, this bright spec of light deep within my heart which was totally sober as a nun and calm and it began speaking to me without using words… My monkey mind was spinning BS like “oh shit, I think your going to die!” “Imagine you are stuck like this forever!” “What would your family think? Your such a disappointment” You know the kind of shit that arsehole monkey mind spins because its terrified of YOU remembering your INHERENT GREATNESS! Then the awareness of this point of LIGHT, it was just STILL, it didn’t have words or confessions or truths to share, it just WAS. It was PRESENT and sober and still and PEACEFUL and CALM and accepting. So I focused on that instead of the thoughts and sensations…
This was a beginning to my spiritual re-awakening! I knew that I had been harming myself all this time in an attempt to escape from a “reality” that I had chosen to accept. Yes I was educated into this reality via the penitentiary OOOPS I mean education system. (See what I did there! Freudian slip! Subtle Ah huh!) BUT I chose to BELIEVE the propaganda. I chose to give away my power. And I chose the poisonous food that I ate. I chose the poisonous cigarettes I desperately puffed away on. I chose to numb my thoughts, mind, sadness and depression momentarily with drugs, alcohol, sex ANYTHING that could temporarily allow me to FORGET how deeply unhappy I was. And simultaneously I was abusing myself to keep EVERYTHING I AM SUPPRESSED!
Heaven forbid I SHINE AND SPARKLE so brightly that my life and world become illuminated as well as ILLUMINATING EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else within it, because it, IS ALL ME!! I AM ALL ONE!
This unhappiness, this pain, this dis-ease, this illness, this trauma, this toxicity within me I came to understand was in fact ALL my pent up potential!!! It was expressing itself as negative toxicity because it WASN’T being EXPRESSED, it was STUCK, it had NOWHERE to move. AND IF it didn’t feel SO SHIT I wouldn’t have EVER paid ATTENTION to it and took my FIRST steps onto my path to RE-LEARN how to share and express ME!
I’m not going to lie guys, and I don’t want to beat around the bush here. It took me YEARS of letting go, punching pillows, meditating in yogic and not so yogic positions, crying, crying, CRYING Mmmm that kind of crying that loosens up all the mucus in your body and leaves you looking like the slimy creature out of ghostbusters has fallen out of your brain through your nose and is trying to get back in, via your mouth! HARDCORE crying! The type that leaves you so puffy eyed the next day that your eyes look like two PISSHOLES in the snow! THEN by some MAGIC the FOLLOWING DAY after that… You feel like a WHOLE NEW PERSON! Because you are!
After years and year and years of letting go, surrender and release. I feel that I have years and years and years to continue with this!! Hahaha BUT the phenomenal NEWS is, as I continue to let go of all the pain and hurt, fear, social conditioning, holding back, and the giant deportment pole that is rigidly inserted as an anal probe in most of us at roughly around aged 7 years old, every moment I become MORE ME!! I am becoming FREE again and returning back to that enlightened being I was when I was a child! So innocent yet so WISE in knowing what FEELS GOOD for ME and doing that!! Not even having to recognise that when I do what feels good for me, it creates some kind of magnetic amplification gravitational pull that brings everyone around me into their highest purpose TOO! All of a sudden we are co-creating together, beyond any of our WILDEST IMAGININGS!
The older I get the more I become like a child. Not childish. Child like. FREE. In my opinion there are only two types of people in this world Children and people pretending not to BEE children! Some like to call themselves adults and profess to know shit about the world. The more I grow wise, the more I accept that I KNOW nothing. In fact ALL I KNOW is that I KNOW NOTHING! The ignorant ones profess to know something and in this, they unfortunately trap themselves into a confining belief system and identity which enslaves them in moral, values, ideals and behaviours that they must religiously robotically react upon in order to “sustain their identity”.
MY only goal in life NOW is to surrender ALL identity and be a pure conduit of divine creative life force energy moving through me as it will in SERVICE to building a heavenly, paradise, utopia within ME! In turn that filters out onto humanity and Earth! Because ALL IS ONE. The kingdom of heaven dwells within. “Findeth it there and it shall dwell without simultaneously!” I know my external reality is only a mirror of my internal reality. And to be honest, currently its looking pretty fucking RAD! (The potty mouth lives on however, which indicates a degree of detoxification is DEFO still in need!)
I’m enjoying the journey NOW so much though!! I am surrounded by the most BEAUTIFUL, BLESSED PEOPLE, CREATURES, ANGELS who are doing their very best in creating their own internal heaven too!! I see everyone around me as cells that are in my body, like life on earth is an opportunity to have relationships with all the varied parts of myself! Some are awake to this journey of coming back together in ONENESS and some are still waking up! Either way I am in for the long haul of TOTAL LIBERATION, ENLIGHTENMENT AND SELF REALISATION. AND If in order to awaken a few of my more dormant, stuck or stubborn cells that it means I must behave unusually, dance in public or fart in a confined space surrounded by complete strangers… I’LL DO IT! Fuck, I’ll even ask one of them to pull my finger! I know that the SHOCK and FEAR and DISGUST and ANGER that arises when ones conditioning is challenged by perverse, different, crude, crass or unusual behaviour is actually a GRAND MOVEMENT of happiness, liberation, laughter, relief and permission that comes out “seemingly negative” only because its been withheld for MUCH too long!
If in me being myself and expressing my truth authentically gives others the permission to do the same I will compassionately, lovingly, patiently and passionately hold space for the people who are still learning to forget, relinquishing the ill-esteemed “adult” title, punching pillows and expelling snots ghosts!
The most beautiful gift of my world view as a child was that I knew in my heart that having a purpose, brought others together in a greater co-creational community. There is a GREAT need in our world today for AUTHENTICITY, COMMUNITY and CONNECTION! IN bearing my soul and opening the deepest vulnerabilities of my heart and bum (Honestly I don’t think Iv’e talked about farting this much since I was 8 but it feels so good and liberating!) I hope only to show you that I am the same as you. We are all the same and although our journey looks somewhat different at times, we are truly in this together. Another bare bum in the shower, reclaiming our personal power, after courageously facing our darkest hour!
When I created the Clubs and Groups as a kid, YES on the Physical surface it APPEARED to bee a bunch of kids slaving over creating Rastafarian Friendship Bracelets. BUT so much more was happening.
* Friendship
* Community
* Sharing of SKILLS & talents
* Growth
* Self Esteem
* Rastafarian colours being utilised widely evoking “One Love” (We Love you Bob!)
* Being OKAY with KNOWING WE ARE WORTHY OF MAKING MONEY!! LOTS OF IT!
The Animal for Care Club
* Helping those creatures in need
* Compassion to ALL weird and wonderful creatures
* Community working together for a GREATER CAUSE
* Valuing Life of ALL SENTIENT BEINGS
* Self Esteem that comes with helping others
* Teaching one another, like Jacqui taught me not to bee scared of BEE’s (Bee’s are my best friends NOW!) I AM A BEE! Queen Honey Bee! Mmm
The reason I am bearing my soul to you today, is that I HAVE FOUND MY PASSION.
I REPEAT I have found my PASSION!!! Please you must understand that there is still this conditioned part of me, or maybe its some residual anal probe that is TERRIFIED at sharing myself so vulnerably to the world. HOWEVER, I am not going to HOLD BACK ANY LONGER THOUGH!!!
WHY???
Because I have a PASSION in my heart that is burring like WILDFIRE to be expressed and although I KNOW it will be a GIFT of great JOY, FULFILMENT, ABUNDANCE, PROSPERITY and PURPOSE for ME!!
MORE than that I KNOW what potential it has in AWAKENING THE PASSION within all of my BEAUTIFUL INCREDIBLE AWE INSPIRING Brothers and Sistars that surround me!!! For this story here is just MY story, which is ONE PEICE of the UNIVERSAL PUZZLE! ONE Drop in the Cosmic Ocean.
EACH person holds within the liquid core of their Sacred-Heart Space a unique PASSION, an essence, a SONG, a WORD, a vibration that ONLY THEY can share with the world, and in that sharing it awakens the hearts songs of their Brothers and Sisters! We all awaken ONE ANOTHER! WE activate One another. INTO ALL ONE. There is NO alone, never was! Never will BEE.
I FEEL SO BLESSED for every single being on this planet, this universe and in my Heart. I feel them breathing, their heart pulsating in sync with my own as a part of me! It is NOW time to live Truth, Heaven, Peace and I am so grateful for those of you who are reading this, because it means that we are linked in a beautiful dance! Like planets that orbit one another and interact with synchronic flow, creating intrinsically potentiating relationships!!
For me this has taken great courage to share, crazy the shame I felt when writing I am the QUEEN BEE for example. We are all QUEENS and KINGS, GODS and GODDESSES of our own destiny! Our Own story, Our own Game of Life. Our Own Play!! Our Own Dance! Our body is our KINGDOM! OUR TEMPLE, Our Heart is our Sovereign ruler!
I am exposing the softness of my soul to you today with love and gratitude that YOU the beautiful beings surrounding me have helped me transform to such a place in My Life Dance that I now feel FREE to completely EXPRESS who I am and the Way that this magical world looks through the lenses of my SOUL.
With all my Heart and Soul I pray that thee too feels so enlivened, invigorated and inspired to honour me AND the rest of the Cosmos with the blessing and gifts that is YOUR UNIQUE PUZZLE PEICE! THE KINGDOM, TEMPLE AND HEAVEN OF YOU!
Love and Magic Bella Moon
Xxx
Dr. Belle Taylor Acupuncture 